A place of writing and reflection…
“Let the peace of Christ be in control in your heart (for you were in fact called as one body to this peace), and be thankful.”
Wedding planning? Me?
Ha ha. Lol.
That’s a joke…right?
Wedding plans are underway and I’ve already had a couple of brief moments of panic.
There’s a list of things to pull together as always, people and decorations to assemble, schedules to check, and a groom and maid of honor to keep my sanity—that was a joke.
Who knew there was ever so much entailed in a wedding—well besides the wedding planners who do it for a living.
Still, I have to sit back and marvel at just what is going on. What is that?
God’s provision of course.
You know…kind of like the ‘provisions’ you take on a camping trip: water, food, clothing, tents, etc. Only in this case it comes in the form of both wedding and life planning.
Since we’ve started making our list and checking it twice, we’ve been able to cross off a majority of it—but not all on our own.
We picked a place, time and a date and with that everything else flows into it like words in a story outline you might have had to write in school. I drew out a picture of how I pictured things looking the day of and we assembled a list of supplies. My Pinterest is chalked full of ideas for a cherry blossom theme. Charles has been busy himself snagging a room, placing orders, and talking to a lot of people. A couple of friends are taking care of the cake and drinks. And we can’t forget that the groomsmen and bridesmaids are doing some plotting of their own.
In the midst of it all, we’ve been counting down the days till.
None of that stuff is hard though—tedious, yes, but not hard.
Hard is wanting all my ducks in row—including those I can’t control—and not seeing it always happen right away. Hard is realizing the things in me that still need to change. Hard is parting ways after a date. Hard is the wait. Hardest still is bearing patiently with one last detail: my family.
The past few years I have not had the best relationship with my blood family—more like no relation at all. I left home at twenty-four in not the most pleasant of terms. Terms I could not control and terms that could have ended my life those few years ago. I’m now twenty-seven, about to be twenty-eight.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not passing the blame. I’m not holding grudges. Do I wish things could be different? Yes. I do.
I’ve had limited contact with my mother since then—something I had decided would be best at the time. Messages when I first left were far from friendly, but have gradually changed since. Her last few messages were surprisingly pleasant.
Now for the hard part:
While I’ve been gone, I’ve graduated to Bible college, work as the graphic designer everyone always said I should be—oh and in a little over a month I’m getting married!”
Yeah…no. Not like that anyway.
I tried calling for mother’s day and ended up leaving a message on the answering machine instead when she didn’t pick up. She messaged me a few days later in regards to the call but nothing since.
My fiancé took the bold step to visit her to ask of me of which was another missed opportunity when she didn’t answer then either.
We’ve called a few times since with no response. My inbox remains empty of messages from her.
His family is ecstatic about our future marriage. They have considered me family for years. Mine? I don’t know. We both have our thoughts, but are trying to keep the benefit of the doubt.
Then again it’s not in our timing. It’s in God’s.
He removes things and brings things. He closes doors and opens them.
But until He does close the door, I won’t give up. We’ll keep knocking on the door.
We sent and invitation to her last week with a note attached telling her how sorry we were for not being able to get a hold of her, but nevertheless we will continue to follow through and can only hope that she would be happy about it.
Still, the day we say “I do” is comming soon. And despite this hard part we plan on following through. In the meantime we can pray for the opportunity to share the big day with the rest of the family.
For now I will prayerfully try keep the peace of Christ and be thankful for how far we’ve gone. We’ve gotten through a lot and there’s still so much to do. We’re both waiting like a couple of little kids see what God has in store for us—including those ‘future arguments’ my husband-to-be so likes to remind me about.
What a funny man.